Thursday, October 11, 2012

Why I should be the next Manager of The Boston Red Sox

I would like to interrupt this election season - and my normal blogging topics to throw my hat into the ring to be the next skipper of my beloved Boston Red Sox.  This is not a joke.  I really believe Sox management should hire me without interviewing anyone else for the job. 
Let's look at it. 
First, this season the Red Sox finished in last place with something like 60 or so wins.   It was their worst performance since 1965.
This from a team that fired their manager, Terry Francona the year before.
In case you missed it, Francona managed the team to its first World Series championship in 86 years!  For crying out loud, that means World War I was ending as the Red Sox last won anything.  In 2004 Francona found his team down three games to zero to the Yankees in the American League Championship Series.  In game three the Yankees scored 19 runs!  It looked like the Sox were done, but no.
Miraculously, Boston won the next four games in a row, two of which came in New York and went on to win four more in a row vs. St. Louis.
I have been a Boston fan since 1978.  Rick, "The Rooster" Burleson was my favorite player.  I cried, literally, when Boston lost in 1986 (Bob Stanley's fault).  That means I waited 36 years to see my team win it all.  That is nothing compared to how long others waited or how much they suffered.
Then, as if one title was not enough, Francona led Boston to another World Series championship in 2007! 
O.K., forgive me for hyperbole here, but if you manage two Red Sox teams to World Series titles, you not only are named manager of the team for life but you get to be emperor of the city of Boston as well.
For this, four years later, the geniuses who run the Red Sox fired Francona after his teams underperformed in the playoffs or narrowly missed them.
This year, Bobby Valentine - who is by many accounts, shall we say, difficult to play for, was hired to lead Boston.  He did.  Right into last place with a July player mutiny to boot.
Now the Red Sox need a new leader, which brings me to why they should give me the job.
First, as I mentioned, I have a long history of devotion to the Sox.
Second, I know the game of baseball.  I played college and semi-pro baseball and managed a semi-pro team made up largely of former professional (including major leaguers) baseball players to two championship series.
When I started managing my sons we had teams appear in three championship games out of four seasons and last year my team....wait for it.....THE RED SOX won the Winter Garden Little League Championship.
So, that is six seasons of playing for the title - in both mens and kids baseball. 
Are you listening, Red Sox management?
Then there is this.  Valencia has a sabbatical program which would allow me to leave for a year with no pay, so I am available.
When it comes to compensation, I would take the helm of the Red Sox for half of whatever anyone else would do it for, a huge savings there.
As for entertainment value, imagine a five foot six and three-quarters inch economics professor arguing with umpires.  My wife claims that my sarcastic facial expressions alone would be worth t.v. ratings gold.
Finally, and this is the best part - if I am hired and Boston finishes in last place that would mean that I was no worse than Bobby Valentine, but would be cheaper, funnier to watch and worth millions of Twitter and Facebook rants by people who want to kill Red Sox management for hiring some Little League manager from Central Florida.  You can't buy that kind of publicity.
It is up to you, Boston.....make the case for me to run our team. 
It can't get any worse than it is....


  1. Another point you can make is to have them look at Belichick. He only has a bachelor's degree in economics and look at what he did for the Patriots.

    So as a former Bostonian I approve your application. It definitely could not get worse than it is.

  2. My son starts Little League next month. I am so pumped. But I'm not brave enough to be a Little League manager or coach. Parents are scary.