Why I should be Commissioner of the NFL

Finally, thankfully, the NFL season is upon us. After seven long months of golf, NASCAR, the NBA, the endless baseball season, tennis, debt ceiling debates and Casey Anthony, we can finally return, as Americans, to a sense of normalcy as we turn the page to that glorious month called September.

That said, I am increasingly displeased with the National Football League and the way it is run. As an old-school football fan there is much to complain about when examining todays game. Thus, I would like to offer up what I would do if the NFL owners decided to make me the next commissioner of the NFL.

1. Haircuts. Today's game looks like girls running around in shoulder pads. I would go to every training camp in July with a ruler and a pair of scissors. All hair 2" below the bottom of your helmet would be cut off. The removed hair would be bagged up, tagged and sold on eBay to raise money for what comes next....

2. Pink in October. Instead of letting the players look even more like girls by wearing pink during Breast Cancer Awareness Month I would take the proceeds from the haircut auction (Tom Brady's hair alone should raise enough money to cure breast cancer...) and put it towards this worthy goal. However, any player caught wearing pink in October would be fined and forced to watch 100 straight hours of Julia Roberts movies.

3. Cheerleaders. NONE, ZERO, ZIP. Football has no place for strippers on the sidelines. Only a handful of teams in the NFL (Steelers and Bears for example) do not allow cheerleaders to parade around. Under my rule there would be zero cheerleaders ever again so that we can maintain the integrity of the game.

4. Fan behavior. I no longer go to NFL games because getting beaten, shot at or cursed like I am a dog is something I am fond of. Some fans (Oakland, Miami) are the worst. Going to a Dolphins game is like sitting with 70,000 convicts who are on leave for the weekend - and that is being unfair to convicts. I have seen grandmothers drop the 'F'-bomb on their grandsons during games. My policy would be simple. All stadiums would have mixed martial arts fighters, bouncers, NAVY SEALS (retired) and assorted folks who are good with their fists and/or guns and/or bricks to patrol the stands looking and listening for drunks, bad language or pending physical confrontations. My security staff would beat senseless all fans who are suspected of any transgression that could not have been shown on a 1950s television program.

5. Kickoffs. The NFL has moved kickoffs to the 35-yard line to reduce the number of violent collisions and thus injuries by encouraging "touchbacks". Sissy stuff! The kickoff should be moved back the the 20-yard line with legal wedges like the old days.

6. Speaking of the old days. No longer would quarterbacks be given invisible dresses to wear. They are men, treat them like it. It would be legal to smash them - and other offensive players - like the 1970s. Helmet to helmet contact? Yes, that is called football.

7. Commercials. This is a game kids should be allowed to watch without commercials depicting murder, rape, robbery or porn.

8. Celebrations. Any endzone celebration would mean the loss of the touchdown and a 20 yard penalty. Any moron who dances around or beats his chest for "doing his job!!" by making a tackle or gaining seven yards on a slant pass would be penalized 20 yards and would be required to do pushups with John Madden standing on his back during halftime.

9. Uniforms. Knee pads must cover the knees. Pants cannot fit to make it appear you are nude. No players can wear gloves (use your hands, you sissy...) and helmets would have facemasks with one bar made out of balsa wood.

10. Super Bowl Sunday - back to the last Sunday in January, during the day with no halftime show other than the local high school band.

That is all. Enjoy the season.

Come on Irene, there is a Recession to end!

It is about time we had a disaster (other than the election of President Obama) to celebrate. Hurricane Irene has got to be the Keynesian economists dream come true. Think about it. When President Obama announced the $862 billion stimulus bill in 2009 it came on the tailwinds of Larry Summers and other White House economists claiming that the bill would create a 'mulitplier effect' of 1.5. That is to say that for every $1 spent the GDP would rise by $1.50, leading to an estimated $1.3 trillion boost to the economy, a sound recovery and unemployment rates by 2011 of less than 7%. Go look it up for yourself. The Wall Street Journal is filled with valuable articles from that year that put forth the Keynesian plan to end the last recession and have us growing like gangbusters by now.

Oops. Here we are nearly in September of 2011 and all signs are pointing to a 'double-dip' recession. So much for Lord Keynes.

But wait! Now, riding to the rescue will be one of the great opportunities to test another part of the Keynesian orthodoxy - that is that destruction leads to growth when government spends money to fix, among other things.....broken windows.

You remember this, don't you? During WWII Keynes said that, "If expenditure on armaments leads to economic progress, a grand experiment has begun...." What he meant, of course, was that war is good for the economy to the extent that militarism, destruction and rebuilding equates to future government outlays that will boost the economy.

This is why every Keynesian worth his or her salt has to be praying (if they pray) that Irene does not deviate from the path that has it going through Washington, D.C., New York and Boston. Imagine - 60 million residents, fully one-fifth of the nation - lives in this corridor. If we (Keynesian-speaking) can have say, $40 billion in damage, ruined vacations, injured humans and more, then the hospital bills, clean up and post-hurricane rebuilding will help this enormously important region grow by more than the $40 billion in damage - assuming government takes an active role, in all of its wisdom, in channeling tax dollars to non-PORK projects.

As an Austrian economist and follower of folks like Bastiat, I would gladly entertain any Keynesian out there willing to admit that they are hoping for the worst outcome of Irene so that we can get the "best" government has to offer.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Taking a break from not doing much...

Before I take the rest of the summer off I thought I would leave you with a few thoughts. I realize I have not been faithful in blogging as often as the Tweeting/Facebooking/Texting crowd is used to but I have a good reason - apathy with a little bit of indifference mixed in...

Anyway, we have been told that our government will default on its debt obligations on August 2nd unless the $14.29 trillion debt ceiling is raised. It is pretty basic stuff. For every $1 the government spends it has to borrow about 40 cents. So, on August 2nd the government will have 60 cents in tax dollars but will have "promised" another 40 cents in spending for interest on the debt, welfare, the military and so forth. Someone on August 2nd will have to be told, "No money for you." The Bush-type Republicans are willing to work with Mr. Obama to raise the ceiling, keep spending and allow for some minor revenue adjustments primarily from repealing a few tax deductions here and there. The Tea Party people do not want any compromise that comes with tax hikes or without massive Paul Ryan-type spending cuts. Of course the liberals want to save every program, add new ones and soak small businesses (70% of which are in the $250,000 in income per year crowd) for more money.

I hope our government defaults on August 2nd. If it results in Greek-style riots so be it. I want to see real spending cuts and massive crackdowns on the people who make up the welfare class. Do you realize that in 1983 around 29% of the American people received welfare of some sort? Did you know that over 44% get your money today? 47% of the American people do not pay income taxes anymore. Once we get to 51% receiving the property of other people and 51% not paying anything to the treasury it is all over for our country. Better to see shocking acknowledgment of impending bankruptcy as the clock strikes 12:00 on August 2nd than to see the real pain of gradualism that will come from band-aid solutions that completely destroys our economy and our republic 20 or so years from now. I say that Rome can and should burn to the ground now - and rebuilt with fiscal austerity and limited government. If we let Rome smolder until the Baby-Boomers and growing welfare class have pushed us past the point of no return then we will never turn things around.

Second thought.... I am very interested in the candidacy of Michelle Bachmann. I think she understands the case for real liberty. Even with some missteps in her campaign she could be the candidate to pose a great challenge to President Obama. How is Mitt Romney going to debate Obama? He started forced health care purchasing in Taxachusetts. He has no leg to stand on.

Third thought... President Obama last week said that unemployment benefits are a boost to the economy because it helps people demand the goods and services our businesses produce. Yes, he said it. So, if we gave the people who make up our 9.2% unemployment rate $100,000 per day, wouldn't that, under his logic, boost aggregate demand enough to end the sluggish recovery and help our nation's economy soar?

Speaking of the unemployment rate, get used to it being high for a long, long time. Yes, uncertainty over the cost of Obamacare; his push for tax hikes in 2013; bloated debt and rising regulations have all created a poor environment from which businesses can hire people. But, the bigger issue is this. The last recession has created massive structual changes, along with ongoing uncertainty that has led many businesses to downsize permanently. Many firms are doing more and more with fewer people and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. I would expect unemployment in excess of 7 - 8% for the rest of this decade. This is what Western Europe has been forced to accept. Our march towards the socialism that destroyed much of Europe, along with rising structural unemployment will mean that the days of 4% unemployment may well be over.

Speaking of Europe, I have been shocked and am quite proud that the government of my country of birth - Germany - has pushed for cuts in government spending, tax and regulatory reform and has refused to engage in Keynesian nonsense for the past two years. This has lead to a falling unemployment and the fastest economic growth in Europe. The Germans are now lecturing us on how to move towards Hayek.

One more thing - and this is the good news. Notice that unemployment is rising at the same time more and more businesses are announcing upcoming price hikes to pay for rising commodity prices and other input costs impacted by regulations, health-care mandates and more. This is called stagflation. The last time we had the worst of both worlds was in 1979-80. Stagflation ended the FDR/Lyndon Johnson/Jimmy Carter era and ushered in Reaganomics. Let's hope that stagflation - as bad as it is - will be with us long enough to end the great Hope and Change experiment or at least forces Mr. Obama to act like Bill Clinton was forced to act in his second term (economically, not morally).

Enjoy the rest of your summer. That is all for now...

Minnesota needs to get meaner (and so do the rest of us)

In case you missed it, the state of Minnesota closed all state parks and stopped all other non-essential functions as the governor and state legislature failed to reach a budget agreement by the new fiscal year (July 1st).

Allow me to say a few things here.

First, as many of you know, I consider Minnesota my second home. I try to get away to the Land of 10,000 lakes as much as I can with my family. This is a state filled with natural beauty, quiet and people who are actually enjoyable to be around. Now, my plans for this summer have potentially been thwarted by politicians who would rather preserve the welfare state than have state parks.

This is the problem. I - and other people - work hard for the money I earn. I like to spend part of that money on vacation. I like to vacation in many of the parks in Minnesota. Now I can't. At the same time, people in Minnesota who do not work hard - or at all - will still receive welfare checks, housing assistance, medical assistance and more on my back and the backs of my fellow sufferers. The bums get paid, the productive people get closed camp grounds.

Do you see the bigger picture here? Flash forward 20 years from now. The baby boomers -in Minnesota, Florida and the other 48 states - will get their money, along with the younger welfare cases, while the rest of us will be expected to work, and pay, for their sloth. Those of us who work for a living rather than vote for a living will probably see other cuts in the services we pay for so that more and more Americans can feed at the public trough.

It is time for this country and the 50 states in it, to get mean. What would that look like? It would look like a line drawn in the sand by taxpayers who tell politicians that we will not continue to pay for the comforts of those who are being insulated from economic natural selection. If more and more states, along with the federal government, refused to expand the welfare state we would first see rational geographic mobility to the states that still pay handsomely for laziness. As those states become fewer in number we would see fewer births, less immigration (by immigrants who have learned about our welfare offices) and more people striving to take care of their own affairs.

In the long run we might even see places like France become the destination of choice for Americans who have run out of welfare havens to hide in.

I say good riddance - and open the camp grounds I am willing to pay for!

Vancouver...

I love Canada. I love the Canadian people and I love Vancouver, British Columbia.

I don't love watching "people" with no regard for private property rights, the right to life or liberty engage in the type of behavior we saw a few days ago.

As someone who has spent a great deal of time in and around this city I want to be the first to say that you cannot find nicer, more civilized people perhaps anywhere in the world. If you spend any time in Western Canada you will not be able to help falling in love with the place.

It needs to stay that way and I have a suggestion.

The police - should this happen again - need to stop fooling around with tear gas, batons, shields and bullhorns.

All it would take is for one or two or twelve of these unemployed losers who are setting fire to cars or smashing windows to be shot dead right where they are lighting the match and you would see a drastic change in the cost-benefit calculation of rioters.

That's right. I am suggesting that the police start shooting rioters to stop rioting.

It is highly unlikely that any of these rioters - had they been finished off - would have been terribly missed by the rest of the planets inhabitants. It is highly likely that many more lives could be saved and millions in property spared if law enforcement could use deadly force in protection of people and property after the next sporting event ends.

Things that should be illegal

As a Libertarian with anarchist sympathies I must always tread carefully when suggesting government intrusion into our lives. Afterall, government is force and force ultimately gets used for evil. However, there are some missed spots in our society where I would welcome the use of force to bring out greater civility, common sense and economic efficiency. So here is my list of what ought to be curbed, altered or stopped by the use of the law.

1. Universal voting rights. It should be illegal for people to be allowed to vote just because they are 18 and are non-felons. The new law would make it legal to vote once you can cite the 27 grievances the Founders listed in the Declaration of Independence; explain, with at least 90% accuracy the original intent of the Founders as declared in our Constitution and pass with a grade of at least 80% an economics exam the covers the basics of cost-benefit analysis, the various economic systems and the workings of supply and demand. If this means that only 419 Americans would be allowed to vote in the next election so be it.

2. Public education. Taking money from one person (who might be childless) to give it to someone else that that the party receiving the forced aid can send their kids to a government school is not only receipt of stolen goods but a recipe for a stupid nation. Along with abolishing taxpayer-financed education would come the elimination of school districts. All education should be privately run and a parent living in Orlando should be allowed to drive their kid to Memphis every day if they want to. The poor would no go without an education any more than they go without food, shoes or toothpaste. The market would find a way to cheaply sell a better product than the garbage schools we have now.

3. Train horns on automobiles. Every time I am driving down the road and hear one of these go off I almost wreck my car. Trucks are not trains and should not sound like them. These rednecks who must announce their existence to the world with train horns are creating a negative externality that poses a hazard to the rest of us. They should be forced to have horns that go "toot toot".

4. Athletes wearing pink. O.K., I am hoping breast cancer is eliminated some day just like everyone else. But, having football players in particular and other athletes in general wearing pink socks and wristbands or swinging pink bats is absurd and only accelerates the sissification of America. The new law would allow female athletes to wear pink. Men would be stoned with blue rocks if they do so.

5. Using the phrase, "At the end of the day...." If I hear this one more time I am going to take a pink train horn and smash the offending person in the head. How in the name of God's green Earth can people keep using this maddening phrase in every paragraph?? "So and so is facing a tough decision about blah, blah, blah, but at the end of the day he has to...." New law: $1 tax for every time this phrase gets used. Use the money to pay China to slow down the rate at which her citizens take away the math and science jobs in America.

6. The word "like". There should be a law stating that if you use the word "like" inappropriately (for example, "My professor told me to read 2 pages to get ready for the next class, and I was like, you know, texting at the time so I did not hear him.") you would pay a $5 tax. This should be enough to pay off the Obama/Bush debt in about a week and a half. All remaining money would be used to create offsetting cuts in income taxes.

7. Back to cars for a moment. It should be illegal for cars driven by non-police officers to be made to look like unmarked cars. You know what mean - the extra spot light mounted near the driver's window, no hubcaps and plain white or black in color. For those of us who need to get to where we are going by fudging on the speed limit and squeezing yellow lights we don't need fake cops behind us preventing us from productively arriving at our destinations.

8. Light beer. Even women should not drink light beer and no man should. How can we expect to defend our nation from future attacks if we drink light beer while wearing pink wristbands?

9. Texting. I do not mean texting while driving. I mean texting. To do that I want the texting devices banned to. That means no cell phones. But cell phones are mutations of regular phones so those need to go to. New law: Smoke signals. That would reduce all human contact to only the most important interactions. Everything else is overrated and needs to go away.

10. Lastly, there should be a law that requires all environmentalists to walk everywhere they go without the use of any clothing except for fig leaves and/or the bark from dead trees. The first law of Thermodynamics states that energy is neither created or destroyed. This means all energy creates some form of pollution or negative environmental consequences. Therefore, to avoid being hypocrites, all "Green people" should be banned from using energy. That not only means walking around with oak bark underwear and dried leaf shoes but it also means eating only dirt, never using a light bulb and never again using fuel-powered boats to chase whaling ships. They could swim out to the ships and throw seaweed at the offenders. That would be fine.

I welcome any suggestions to my list. As you can see, I am bored today.

Etc.

One of my liberal colleagues at Valencia emailed to fuss about my infrequent posts over the past couple of months. He almost suggested that I am lazy. Being called lazy by an Obama-supporter is like being called stupid by Donald Trump (more on him later...) so I thought I should post something today, even though I would rather sit on my couch and stare out the window.

First, is the War on Terror over now? I was just wondering because, after all, we did finally kill the economist who started all of this. No, I do not mean Milton Friedman.

As many of you know, Osama had a degree in economics and used it very, very well. Mark Zandi - one of the more reputable economists in America - has estimated that the full cost of September 11th - counting the destruction, the wars, the inflated interest payments from the accelerated debt obligations and the opportunity cost of the War on Terror - is around $2.5 trillion over the last ten years.

If someone came to Osama an hour before he was shot and said, "Was your investment of time, money and capital worth it?" he would have said, "Let's see....we spent a few hundred million dollars to bring down the Twin Towers, kill 3,000 people that day - and thousands of American troops since then; led our enemy into two wars - one of which (Iraq) largely destroyed America's credibility around the globe and cost upwards of $1 trillion; led to the signing of the Patriot Act which basically caused the American people to turn their government against their liberties; led to a massive reallocation of tax dollars away from productive economic pursuits (like not taxing the money away to begin with); helped cause massive debt which will be repaid with even higher taxes in the future; caused incredible delays in airports while watching people who barely graduated from high school grope 103 year old - and 3 year old - potential terrorists; all while helping to recruit more people into this Jihad than we had on September 10, 2001. "Yes, as an economist, I would say our resources were allocated in an efficient manner."

Oh, for you Republicans out there who would say, "But we have not been attacked since!" I would argue this: Why would they need to attack us again? One attack did enough damage to last two decades or more. In one area alone - America's perception of the tradeoff between liberty and security - the damage was enough to lead many people to conclude that Osama won.

Now to Donald Trump. As of a few weeks ago he was leading potential Republican candidates for President with 16% support. I have always wondered if post-Reagan Republicans were stupid. Now, I am sure of it. Add it up folks.... DONALD TRUMP + SARAH PALIN + MITT (I believe in national health care too) ROMNEY + NEWT ( I believe in government subsidized ethanol and don't like Paul Ryan) GINGRICH = Barack Obama needing to spend around $3.17 to win in 2012. For you Republicans who keep harping on where President Obama was born, I am sorry that Mr. Trump has left the building. Can I, as a Libertarian, ask you people a question? Do you know how dumb you are? I mean, do you really care if he was born in Hawaii, Indonesia or on Mars? Do you think he is going to resign after admitting he was born in some remote village in Kenya? Wouldn't it make more sense to find a candidate who actually focused on something like, you know, our bankrupt country as their key issue rather than some idiotic 'Birther' question?

I MIGHT EVEN VOTE FOR OBAMA IF THIS IS THE BEST YOUR PARTY CAN DO!

Not really - I will vote for Ron Paul again. After all, I keep sending him money that he refuses to use to run an effective campaign with, so I might as well vote for him to at least feel like I am getting a little return on my investment - all while waiting for the Paul Ryan/Marco Rubio ticket in 2016.

Until 2016 I think I will go back to what I wanted to do this morning in the first place - stare out of my window and wonder why people believe in Darwin's theory of evolution, when one study of our collective brains would prove that Americans are devolving as a species. If I were a monkey I would be insulted to be compared to American humans with voter registration cards.